I love it when it’s super windy. It’s invigorating and seems to shake everything up and clear it out. Hair goes all over the place, jacket blows open, I can sing and let the wind take it wherever it wants. It ignites a giggliness inside of me, a childlike fun, an innocence, a now. I love standing still, leaning forward into the gust and just letting myself be held. There’s something magical, simple, exhilarating. All my thoughts and energy are there in that moment, bathing in pure joy. 

It seems to be a good analogy for life. The choice of leaning in and letting it happen which nurtures that childlike simplicity and peace, or leaning back away from and resisting which nurtures the agitated, ’I should be….. doing, creating, achieving, being like.., producing etc’. It’s not always easy to lean in but we can do it and it’s definitely worth it.

Looking back it’s easy to see where I’ve spent a lot of my life leaning back, looking for it to be something else and interestingly it’s often been at times when life has been ‘easy’. I’ve felt guilty with the sense of ease and that I should be struggling instead, that I should be creating a result, a project, an expression, something, anything. Looking off elsewhere, being caught in the chatter of the mind, “Everyone else is doing something, writing books, etc. but I’m not and I should be, I’m failing”.  Failing what? Failing who? No idea but it certainly feels real. Surely though, however it is, it’s just right? No? Yes. 

Fascinating how the mind traps of “I should be…” are so subtle and tricky. They keep us from fully living what we’ve got now, where we are now and slide us off centre. It’s the thinking that producing equals useful and not producing equals useless. Ok, so in who’s eyes? Where does that come from? Isn’t that just a little crazy? Then added to the mix is the fear of being told off if I don’t produce, if I don’t do as I’m told, if I don’t just follow. Wild. 

If I produce something, will I feel as though I’m here, as though I exist, as though I’ve fulfilled my purpose? Will I feel as though I’m good enough not to be shouted out, shamed, pointed out, called out, told off, hurt, abused, embarrassed? Do I need to produce something to warrant being alive? To not let anyone down? Of course not. That’s absolutely not true for any of us. It’s not a case of ‘producing’ and more often then not, the drive to produce is from fear. Fear of not being enough, not fitting in with society, not living up to but that can never be calmed by producing, it can only be calmed by knowing we’re alright just as we are, exactly as we are. It can can take many personal ‘mythological journeys’ deep inside to understand that we’re alright just as we are and I can tell you that every single one is absolutely worth it. Sometimes intense, sometimes crazy, oftentimes nerve-racking but worth it and freeing.

There’s a time for everything and now seems to be time for experiencing a new kind of living. Until it becomes more familiar, it can feel unstable. It’s that space in between. It’s definitely not what was and it’s not what’s coming. We can feel nervous about the in between space but we can also realize that it’s a fantastic space of creativity. It’s not that it’s unknown because there’s a part of us that knows it deeply but maybe it’s more as though we forgot. 

It’s new, or maybe it’s old but whatever it is, it’s a gift. It’s time to flow, time to fly, time to love. 

Until the next time…ciao salut bye bye. Go be you. I love you.